I Thought I Lost You Forever
by FemaleBossJordan
Summary: what would you do if the person you loved the most had no clue who you was? what if you had to see them everyday and know that they didn't care about you? one-shot of Jack


**disclaimer: i don't own kickin it at all!**

**P.S: please don't judge ( i hope you enjoy )**

**lastly; if you want to review please do XOXO constructive criticism welcome ;)**

**and a BIG thank you to everyone thats reveiwed :)**

* * *

I love him. I love him with all of my heart. I love him with everything in me. I would have traded everything; I would have done_ anything_, to prevent what happened and to prevent what is happening now. Things aren't the same between us and they never will be.

We were in the car together, on our way to dinner. It was a special dinner, the dinner that marked our 1 year anniversary. I didn't know where we were going, I didn't know anything, but I knew that night was going to be special.

Now, I just wish that we had stayed home, cuddled together on the couch while watching movies.

That night was special, horribly and terrifyingly special. It was the night a drunk driver drove into jack's side of the car. It was the night that jack told me he loved me, then died and came back to life. It was the night that he forgot everything, including us.

That night was two months ago and without him, _my jack_; I'll never be the same. I've spent the past two months crying and mourning over the loss of someone I used to know. And tomorrow, I'll do it all over again.

I'll do what I can to act okay and not breakdown in front of the new jack, he wouldn't understand. He may never again.

I woke up with tear stained cheeks and my comforter on the floor. My alarm clock was beeping obnoxiously loud, so I slammed my hand down on it, causing it to stop abruptly.

Then, I began to rub my eyes and sit up in my bed slowly, knowing that sudden movement would make me dizzy. I had gotten a horrible concussion from the crash but it could have been worse.

_Much, much worse._

* * *

I stood from my bed and walked slowly over to my personal bathroom, stopping in front of my mirror. The feeling I got in the morning came again, my chest started to shiver and my eyes started to water. I was in a state of depression and I reflected that. I wasn't the old kim that I used to be. My hair was dull and lifeless, matching my blank eyes.

My skin had paled and I just didn't bother anymore. I didn't care about my appearance as much as I used to, I didn't have anyone to make myself pretty for. Even if I did, they wouldn't make me feel what jack made me feel. He made me feel beautiful even in sweatpants and without make-up.

But those days are over. I shut my eyes tightly and breathed out, letting a few tears escape. I bit my lip and opened my eyes, tears obstructing my vision. I still managed to turn the shower knobs and adjust the heat to the way I preferred it.

I stripped as the water heated up, tears still cascading down my paled cheeks. When I stepped into the shower I sobbed while washing myself and while washing my hair. I had to let it out now so I wouldn't let it out later.

When I was out of the shower and in my bedroom, I quickly tugged on undergarments, a pair of white sweats and a black, Nike tee-shirt. I dressed near to this every day, wearing jeans once a week at the most.

I stopped caring and I stopped trying when he told me not to. I had mistakenly tried to force the truth, the past, and us onto him. Now I have to endure an entire school day with him (every single class, might I add) while he chatted up some girl.

I let him go. I mean, that's what I'm supposed to do. I love him enough to let him go, and that happened to be just what he wanted. And I can't say that I've ever been so lonely in my entire life. Without jack, I didn't know what to do with myself.

He was everything to me and he still is. I continued to think as I made my way downstairs and to school with my schoolbag hanging on my right shoulder, like I always did on the weekdays. Today was Friday and that was the hardest day of the week for me to get through.

* * *

Every Friday jack and I would have a date night. Whether we just took a walk on the beach and went swimming, had dinner and went to a movie, went to the park where we met and had a picnic, or just cuddled on the couch and talked… It brought us closer.

I never knew what to do with myself on Fridays, I usually just cried. It's so pathetic how I've been reduced to tears as much as I have. I used to cry, don't get me wrong, but now it's excessive. I used to go to jack and cry about things going on with my parents, I loved them with all my heart and their fights would shatter me.

I haven't cried in front of jack since he died, when he was revived and I was able to see him, I was too happy for words. But when he asked me who I was, my heart shattered and I ran out of the room to stop myself from crying in front of him.

I had to stop myself from thinking further; I was pulling into the parking lot of Denton High School. I found my parking space and parked easily, turning off my car soundlessly. I took a breather and wiped away the tears that escaped while I had been driving. I had to pull myself together. And I did, but it didn't last long.

When I walked into the school and found my locker, I saw jack up against a girl with blonde hair. Her name was Kristine and she had been trying to break us up since we started dating. And I knew it was jack by his clothes and his body language, even if he wasn't facing me. That's how well I knew him and that's when I lost it.

It started out with silent tears and a frown on my face. My bag dropped to the floor, causing them to turn towards me. The first sob came before they saw me, the second one came when jack looked me in the eyes, and the third one came when I saw the smirk on Kristine's face.

I covered my mouth to muffle my sobs and picked up my bag, trying to calm down enough to leave without making a scene.

I heard jack and Kristine starting to yell at each other about God knows what, I was too focused on what had happened. The two of them continued to play through my head, making my tears fall faster.

It was then that I started running, pushing past anyone that was in my way. Then again, people tend to move when there's a running, crying girl coming in their direction. No one bothered to confront me about it anymore; they all knew I was a mess, a mess without him.

When I made it outside, I sprinted to my car. I was in the first row so it wasn't that hard to miss. I pulled out my keys, a sob escaping my lips, and unlocked my car. I jumped in and threw my bag to the backseat, not caring about school at this moment.

It was hard enough to see him chat up a girl, now I had to see him kiss one? I couldn't handle that. And when I saw him bust through the front doors and bolt to my car, I knew I couldn't handle him telling me he wasn't mine again.

I started my car and backed out of my parking space with shaking hands and blurred vision. I blinked the tears back enough to see jack running after me in my rear view mirror.

I ended up alone in my house, crying uncontrollably in my bedroom. I was sitting on the floor against a wall, looking through all the pictures that jack and I had taken together, the notes he had written me, the concert and movie stubs I had, and just everything I had left of him.

My heart was as good as gone without him, there was no changing that.

* * *

The doorbell was ringing downstairs to a point way past annoying. It had been ringing for about a minute or two straight, but there was no way that I was going to answer it. I was consumed in my own world right now. There was no way of getting me out because he wasn't here and it seemed like he never would be again.

I continued to cry until my parents came home and found me. My father ended up leaving the room, never being able to handle me like this. I was hysterical. My mother pulled me to her and tried to comfort me with words, but I couldn't tell you a word she had said. I was lost in my head.

I cried into my mother's shoulder for another hour before she moved me onto my bed. I didn't disagree with her; I was too delirious to protest. She left the room soon after, giving me space that I didn't necessarily want but probably needed.

When my mother came back in an hour later, she had a large smile on her face. It was the same smile that used to make me smile, the smile that I couldn't return at this moment in time. I started to settle down, though. My sobs and whimpers turned into sniffles and hiccups.

An hour later I had a massive headache and didn't plan on doing anything for the rest of the night. I knew I would be asleep by the next hour but I also knew that I needed to eat since I hadn't had a single thing all day.

I sighed and reluctantly got out of bed, only to make my way downstairs and to the kitchen. The house was quiet other than the sounds I made in the kitchen.

I ended up making an entire box of Velveeta macaroni and eating the entire thing, with a glass of milk or two(of course). I took pain relievers that would take my headache away and shuffled upstairs. When my back hit the soft mattress of my bed, I was out like a light. I guess I was mentally and physically drained.

I woke up that following Saturday to chirping birds and the morning sun showing through my eyelids. It was nice for once to wake up to something so peaceful and cheerful, knowing that I had a long day ahead of me.

I sighed and sat up with my eyes still closed and droopy. I began stretching my arms and cracking my neck.

"I always hated when you did that," I heard a close and familiar voice murmur.

My eyes snapped open and immediately saw jack. He was sitting in my desk chair that was pulled over to the side of my bed. My eyes widened and I stopped breathing. I've had dreams like this before; this one just seemed to be more realistic than the others.

jack was sitting there with his perfect smile on his flawless face. I missed that smile and I missed making him smile. My lips immediately began to quiver and my eyes instantly filled with tears.

"It's just a dream," I repeated with a shaky voice, trying to hold myself together.

I brought my knees up and wrapped my arms around them, burying my head into them. I had dreams like this too often. He would show up, in different places, and say something that would make me think that he remembered me.

Then I woke up the next morning and realized that my dream was a nightmare in disguise.

My first sob came, the second, the third, and then they all came together as one and I broke down. It was too much now, I couldn't handle it anymore. I wasn't okay and I wouldn't be anytime soon.

Not to my surprise, dream jack came over and wrapped his arms around me. The only difference between now and the other dreams was the fact that he was warm; I had never felt that in the other dreams.

It made me shudder, more thoughts sprung up in my head and caused me to break down more than I already was.

"Kimmy, it's not a dream this time. Babygirl," he cooed, his own voice wavering slightly.

I lifted my head to look at him and all the perfection that he was. He was so beautiful. He was everything I wanted and everything that I lost.

"Babygirl… Come here," jack whispered softly, pulling me into him.

Dream jack comforted me like the old jack used to. My arms were around his neck tightly and his were around my waist as I was cradled in his lap. I pressed my head into his neck and breathed in, discovering his old scent that I loved so much.

Dream jack's fingers drew shapes and rubbed my back in a comforting way. In a few minutes, I was breathing steadily again. This was the most real and most emotional dream I had ever had. Part of me didn't want it to end because I was here with the old jack and I wanted that back with everything in me.

I desired him and craved for his touch, just his touch. I pulled back from his neck and looked him in his brown eyes; they were filled to the brim with tears.

I touched his face and muttered, "When am I going to wake up?"

A tear rolled down his cheek and a smile appeared on his face as he replied, "You already did, kim. I remember everything; it's not a dream anymore."

I wiped away the escaped tear and felt it fade away. New tears began to cascade down his flawless face and I couldn't wipe them away fast enough, they just kept coming.

"I'm s-so sorry for forg-getting. I can't bel-believe I've hurt y-you this much," he stuttered, gripping onto me tighter.

jack said the same thing in every dream, only this time he stuttered. Only this time he was warm beneath and around me. Only this time I could smell the heavenly scent that he was. Only this time I could wipe away his tears.

Only this time, I started to believe.

A tear rolled down my cheek when I admitted, "I still love you and I'd do anything to make this dream a reality."

"Kiss me," he practically pleaded, tears still falling down his face.

Without a second thought, I leaned in and pressed my lips to his. I was expecting to wake up from this dream any moment; I didn't expect to feel lips kissing me back. I didn't expect my heart to race or my eyes to flutter shut.

When the passion I had been longing for, for two months, came into the kiss… I knew that it wasn't a dream.

I pulled back from his soft lips and mumbled against them, "How?"

My eyes were closed and we were so close, just like we used to be. I could feel his hot breath on my face and I could feel and hear how his heart was racing in his chest.

"When I saw you crying, I had a feeling inside of me and then images and memories came back.I remembered how much I hated to see you cry but what I hated more… Was being the one who made you cry," he murmured, his lips brushing on mine with every word that he said.

We breathed together for another moment as I took it all in. I felt myself begin to smile, a real smile. Not a dull or lifeless smile.

"Kim, I'm sorr-," but I cut him off with a kiss.

A kiss from a boy that I missed for two months.

A kiss from a boy that I never wanted to go without again.

A kiss that was most certainly, _real_.

* * *

SO I HOPE YA"LL ENJOYED THAT ONE; IT MADE ME WANNA CRY SO YEAH :) XOXO


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